Get off the pity pot!

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Get off the pity pot! Stop allowing self-pity to control your life. Take back your happiness.

When I followed the suggestion to get off the ‘pity-pot’ I started living. I wasted far too much time wallowing in self-pity and waving my victim flag. I had to grow up, accept that life is a struggle and the first person that would help me is me.

Self-pity is a common response to difficult situations. Most people experience feelings of sorrow, disappointment, or regret when faced with hardship – but being too self-absorbed can be dangerous for your mental health. Self-pity often leads to negative behavior patterns that are not beneficial for you or those around you. If you find yourself feeling sorry for yourself on a regular basis, it’s time to break the cycle and stop being so selfish!

You said I was selfish!

If you expected this to be a sugar-coated, “everything will be ok because someone else is solving the problem” sort of post, that’s a big nope. Change comes from within. There are no prancing unicorns happily farting rainbows across the landscape in this post.

If you want some tough love… read on.

Why does self-pity happen

Self-pity can happen for many different reasons. Sometimes, people feel sorry for themselves because they’ve recently experienced a significant life event such as health problems or loss of a loved one. For others, it’s just the negative feelings that accumulate over time and cause an emotional breakdown. Regardless of the reason, there’s no denying that self-pity is a response to difficult situations and if not stopped early enough can lead to unhappiness.

If you are feeling sorry for yourself, it’s important to recognize the negative behavior patterns that come with this. Self-pity often leads to negative coping mechanisms, such as self-medication through alcohol or other substances. If you find yourself becoming dependent on something else to deal with life’s problems, it could be time to rethink your actions before you become consumed by the things that are happening around you.

It doesn’t help anyone: One of the most important things to remember about self-pity is that it does not help anyone – yourself or the person you are pitying. While your emotions might be getting the best of you, it doesn’t provide a solution to your situation. Feeling sorry for yourself is not going to help you get out of your current predicament. If anything it will make you feel worse and leave you in a place where negativity reigns supreme.

The negative effects of self-pity on your life

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One of the negative effects of self-pity on your life and those around you is that it can lead to negative behavior patterns. For example, if someone says “I’ll take care of this,” then the person who feels sorry for themselves will have no say in what happens next! It’s important that you don’t let other people make decisions for you so that you can do things on your own terms. Another one of the main effects of self-pity is that it can often lead to feeling like a victim. I mentioned self-medication in the paragraph above. Trying to remedy a bad situation by practicing bad habits will make the situation worse.

Believe me. I’ve been there, seen it, and done it. In the past, I drank a lot. A huge amount of alcohol has passed over my tongue and into my belly. Initially, it allowed me to overcome a lot of pain. It temporarily blocked out some very painful memories and events. The problem was the medicine – the booze- turned around and bit me hard. It started as a crutch and ended being the stick that beat me.

How to stop feeling sorry for yourself

Self-pity is a common response to difficult situations, but it can lead to unhappiness if not stopped early enough – especially when people start giving over their power without any responsibility or control of their own lives. Don’t let your life be controlled by others: People who feel sorry for themselves often give over their power to other people to gain comfort from them without having any responsibility. For example, if someone says “I’ll take care of this,” then the person who feels sorry for themselves often replies, “Thank you” instead of stepping up to the plate and doing it.

You should also stop making excuses. There are always going to be circumstances that affect what we do and as a result, we will have to learn how to deal with those circumstances as best as we can. There will be times when you won’t want to go out and socialise because it’s raining outside or you’re tired from work but what would happen if you never took the risk? You might regret staying in because no one else turns up and we all know, you can’t rely on other people to cheer you up!

How to prevent self-pity from taking over your thoughts and your actions.

Any downturn in my mind is a tough thing to spot, but once I notice it I know that the best thing to do is just recognise it for what it is. Its an emotional response to a problem.

There are things worth being happy about. The world can be an ugly place sometimes, so when you feel yourself sinking into self-pity try and think of at least one reason you should be happy right now. You don’t have to look far!

It’s easy for me to get lost when self-pity takes over so before this feeling gets worse try thinking back on all of your blessings: You have food on your plate; someone who loves you more than anything else in their life (even if sometimes they don’t show it); and the opportunity to engage with others. Talking of which…

If you’re having a bad day, talk about it. Share the burden!

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It can be hard sometimes, but there are some things we can do to combat negativity and stay happy- like talking with people! 

I’m having a bad day, does talking with people help? 

Talking with other people helps because it allows us to process our emotions and thoughts aloud instead of keeping them bottled up inside or letting them build up until we explode. Talking about your feelings also exposes you to perspectives different from your own which might provide new insights into what’s bothering you. So if I’m feeling uneasy I might consider talking to someone about what’s bothering me.

And finally…

There are many ways to get rid of self-pity, negative thoughts, and problems. If you’re not sure what method will work for you, just take a break from the situation or person that’s making it hard to function. Alternatively, try talking about your troubles with someone who has a perspective on how best to help you through them – whether they be an objective third party or good friend. With the help of others we can fix ourselves and our state of mind.

It is never too late to make the change.

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6 Comments Add yours

  1. This is so true! Working in mental health, I have seen this so many times! I have seen so many people ruin their lives because they adopted an attitude of victimhood and self-pity. I mean, we all do it to some extent, but it’s not worth ruining your whole life.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Fred D says:

    Good words Matt. Thanks.
    A pity party is a selfish party of one in a depression whose slopes grow ever more slippery and steep.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Fred! I’m staying off the pity pot and staying away from those slippery slopes!

      I hope that you continue to stay away from them too!

      -Matt The Happy Human 🙂


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