Life often throws up problems, frustrations and difficulties.
When I tried to bend other people’s expectations to meet mine there was often conflict.
I’m training for a new career and while I learn I have to accept that I don’t know everything. In fact, I’ve discovered that the more I learn, the less I know.
My new job will require technical and practical knowledge. Not only do I need to know how to do it, I also need to demonstrate that I can do it.
The training is intense and there are lots of skills to learn and sometimes I make mistakes.
I can be very capable of ‘beating myself up’ about my shortcomings. I need to be less frustrated and more kind towards myself while I learn.
A lot of my difficulties arise from something that was said to me by my father. I was a young boy and had very little experience of carpentry. I was helping him with a project and I made a mistake.
His response haunted me for years. It really cut into the depths of my conscience and into my self-esteem.
“If you can’t do it right, don’t bother doing it at all”.
Those words were neither supportive nor did he show me how to do it the right way.
He was frustrated because his expectations were not met. I was frustrated because in the eyes of my father I had failed.
That sent me on painful journey of being fearful of failure. I didn’t try because in my mind, what was the point. Why bother setting myself up for derision and distain.
I withdrew. I found myself mentally isolated from the man that had a duty of care towards me. I started doing my own thing.
My frustration led to a lifelong resentment that never healed. I was cordial and polite towards him, but when I moved into my own home, I didn’t rebuild those bridges. I didn’t make the effort.
Yes I took him to the hospital when he was ill, and I said kind words at his funeral. I felt that I was being held back by his expectations.
I stopped trying.
Do you ever feel that you weren’t given the handbook for living a successful life? I felt that too.
I didn’t have a clue what I was doing. Alcohol became my escape into a fantasy world. In that drunken fantasy land I was successful and I didn’t need the validation of my father.
My life was full of frustrations. Eventually I learned to confront them, accept them and let them go.
This new found ability has served me well. As frustrations occur at work, I’m not getting angry. I’m not running away, I am not being fearful.
I accept that people are trying to do the best they can with the skills and resources that they have available to them.
My dad was trying to do the same. And that’s why after so many years of frustrations and resentments, I’ve been able to let it go and to let him rest in peace.
Love to you all!
Matt The Happy Human 🙂