Today I am 2 years old.
I had my last drink on 31st January 2020.
I started my sober journey on the 1st February.
The first three days were rough. I had the DTs, I sweated, I shook, I hallucinated.I remember that I kept rolling over to the other side of the bed to escape the cold sweat that was soaking my duvet and my mattress. When it dried out, I’d roll back.
During lucid moments I discovered a terrible thing called ‘kindling’. I found that every drink from now on would make any subsequent withdrawl even worse. Fear kept me sober for those first few months. I was on edge. I found comfort and support with kind people on a Reddit page called StopDrinking.
I overcame the urges and cravings because I did not want to be in pain. Yet, I still had a mental obsession. I knew it would hurt me and I still wanted it. It took a while for my turbulent mind to calm down.
On the 4th July, 2020, with my turbulent mind still obsessing about alcohol, I logged in to my first AA meeting. Thankfully kind and considerate people there gave me as much support as I’d found on Reddit.
I had my doubts. The ‘God’ word put me off for a while. If anyone had asked me whether I believed in God while I was drinking, I’d have said no. That was because I was self-centred, egotistical prick that thought he had all the answers.
After a couple of months, I came to terms with relinquishing my ego. I found a higher power that only wanted the best for me and didn’t want me to drink.
I have gone through the twelve step recovery as suggested by AA.
Steps four and five revealed who I am. My fears, my uncertainties and doubts were uncovered and I have worked to accept them and to change them.
Steps six and seven enabled me to ask for and to receive help in overcoming my difficulties.
Eight and nine have helped me put things right.
Ten, eleven and twelve keep me on the path of sobriety.
I found peace in accepting that I am an alcoholic. I found peace in helping other recovering alcoholics. I found peace by having a small part to play in the universe.
I hope that your day is peaceful and without torment.
Love to you all!
Matt The Happy Human 🙂